We all have our shadows. Some of us parent with an acute awareness of them; how they dim the lights on our path and get in the way of our confidence, conviction and choices. Attachment research and modern brain science have given us significant insight into how our early painful experiences with a parent or caregiver shapes our brain. Brain scientists Allan Shore and Dan Siegel have explained that shame can show up in our nervous systems by affecting us on a microscopic level, and affect the young developing brain’s very structure. There is indeed a chemistry of shame that arises in our bodies as a result of sustained parental anger with no repair. There is much hope in this finding--we can use our shame, in parenting, to repair and reconnect with our children. We share insights from Dr. Donald Nathanson’s groundbreaking work, and explore his “Compass of Shame” as a practical tool for allowing our shame to guide us instead of hide us.